Deathdream.

Hot off of the heels of his semi-successful quasi-cult “classic” entitled “Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things”, Director Bob Clark and Writer Alan Ormsby teamed back up for a second zombie pic, this one about a singular zombie in the form of a resurrected war vet.  You might think that this has been done before, but remember, this was in 1972, the movie, was “Dead of Night”.  It could be ahead of its time, but that doesn’t always make it good.  Let’s find out, shall we? The DVD is another Blue Underground release.

[...]

[Family gets news that their Son and Brother, Andy, has died, and yet, he returns home.  They all react, with tremendous laughter.]

Starkwell: The family seems to be taking it rather well, considering he just told them that he was, in fact, dead.

Lovelock: Maybe there’s a gas leak.

[...]

The movie pressed forward, the story was intriguing, the directing and cinematography were atmospherically chilling, the dialogue was top notch and the acting was rather exquisite.  Starkwell and Lovelock sat quietly, completely immersed in the story.  I’ve never seen them this quiet.  Every time that they would show a close up on Andy’s creepy grin, Lovelock would silently pump his fist and bite his lower lip.

[...]

[Andy chokes the family dog.]

Lovelock: What the… was that a real fucking dog?  He threw it!

[Starkwell just had a single tear rolling down his cheek, silently horrified.]

[...]

Time keeps passing, Andy keeps decaying.  He gets crazier and crazier and the film gets scarier and scarier.  Starkwell sits in awe.  Lovelock anticipates some Andy kill power.

[...]

[Andy injects his victim’s blood into his veins.]

Lovelock: Be careful, Andy, they say that blood is a gateway drug.

Starkwell: I hate to break it to you, but he’s well past the gate.

Lovelock: These damn kids today with their 'Twilight' stories and their blood.

Starkwell: This movie is almost forty years old!

Lovelock: Yeah but, vampires don’t age.

Starkwell: Wait… what?

[...]

Andy’s face started melting, and he proceeded to go on a rampage.  Sometime during said rampage, Lovelock stood up and started clapping and laughing, simultaneously.

[...]

[To avoid spoilers, I won’t say what happened, but here’s their reaction to the final scene.]

Starkwell: I have never seen anything like that.

Lovelock: No Andy! Don’t go!

[...]

Starkwell then tried explaining the point of the movie to Lovelock, but halfway through Lovelock interrupted him with a very obnoxious and loud “Who cares?  It was awesome, don’t try to ruin it for me!” and then walked out of the room.  Starkwell then started looking up the guy who played Andy to see what else he has done.  Hard to believe Bob Clark directed “Porky’s”.

House.

Most people think of Hugh Laurie when they hear “House”, but some of us think “Ding Dong, You’re Dead”.  The DVD we are watching is from Anchor Bay, although I read a new version is coming out soon.  Fred Dekker wrote this, and given that he is the mind behind the fantastic "Night of the Creeps", hopes are flying high.  Like Creeps, this also came out in '86.  good year for Dekker, good year for film fans.  Ding dong...

[...]

[Flashback to the past at the haunted mansion of the main character's recently deceased aunt. It might help if I mention that the main character, named Roger, is played by William Katt.]

Lovelock: Mrs Hooper has an odd choice in art.

Starkwell: It’s called foreshadowing.

Lovelock: Yeah well, believe it or not he’s walking on air.

[...]

[Roger sees his child drowning in the pool and leaps in to save him.]

Lovelock:  Did you see him dive in for that kid?  He might just be, the Greatest American Hero.

Starkwell: You have to promise me that’s the last time, because so far the movie is great, and if you keep that up, you will ruin it.


[I should mention that William Katt played the main character in the television series entitled "The Greatest American Hero".]

[...]

[Sketchy real estate agent gives Roger the tour of his newly inherited mansion, during which they see a lot of weird tools, art pieces, and well, a harpoon that the agent fires 'accidentally' in the direction of our hero.  I don't know the actor's name that played the agent, but I recognize him as one of those 80's character actors who always plays sleazebags.]

Lovelock: I don’t trust this real estate guy.

Starkwell: Was it the harpoon misfire? Genius?

Lovelock: No, it’s because that actor always plays dickheads. 

Starkwell: Yeah, keep the House, that’s a great idea.

Lovelock: It’s an investment.  Rent is for suckers.

[...]

[Roger wears an awful sweater, and we are introduced to George Wendt's character, the neighbor.]

Lovelock: Well we found the movie’s first big flaw: The Low-Cut V-Neck.

Starkwell: Norm just rescued the scene though with AMAZING COMEDY.

[...]

I was eating blueberry scones for a while, so I missed a lot of what Allen and Lionel were saying, but at some point during a flashback scene they mentioned something about Vietnam looking pretty gosh darn wacky.  Also, that the jungle didn’t look like the jungle.  Many more comments were made about Roger’s sweaters.

Then they kept repeating the line “Do you think I’m… Looney Tunes?”

[...]

[Roger's wife is a famous actress in the movie, and somehow the neighbor is able to call her from his home phone.  I don't know, I guess she was in the phone book.]

Starkwell: She’s awfully easy to reach for a famous actress.

Lovelock: Uh, yeah, it’s called realism.

Starkwell: In that case, find me William Katt's number, I want to see if he still has those sweaters.

[...]

[The haunted mansion springs to life, inanimate objects start moving.]

Lovelock: Flying tools is scary, but the flapping undead trophy fish is horrifying.

Starkwell: I don’t think you are seeing just how well written this movie is.

Lovelock: It’s hard, when I’m distracted by the timelessly cool special effects.

[...]

[Roger kills a demon and hides it from the cops, who search his place but then leave him alone when they realize he is a famous author.]

Starkwell: Worst policemen ever.

Lovelock: Best fist pump ever.

[Enter the amazing 80's montage of burying a demon body.]

Starkwell: Worst musical interlude ever.

Lovelock: Still, it’s a good how-to for disposing of a random demon body.

[...]

[Roger gets swallowed by the closet, the neighbor watches, but does nothing but open a bottle of booze.]

Starkwell: Wait, so he disappears into Vietnam closet and Norm decides it's Miller time?

Lovelock: It’s been hard for him ever since he stopped going to Cheers.

[...]

At this point the movie gets loads more intense, as Roger battles his own personal demons, being wonderfully represented by actual demons.  Roger has to deal with the skeletons in his closet.  Anyways, I’m sure you get it.  Both Starkwell and Lovelock are silently hypnotized.

[...]

[We approach the happy end to the movie.]

Lovelock: “Ding Dong, You’re Dead” doesn’t really make any sense once you’ve seen the movie.

Starkwell: I don’t think that’s important.

Lovelock: Well, it is to me.

[...]

Since Allen and Lionel both stood up in applause as the film ended, I assume that they enjoyed the movie.  Not sure who they are applauding, maybe whoever put the movie on.  Believe it or not, it’s just me.

They sat back down pretty quickly when the atrocious song came on during the credits.

[...]

Lovelock: Night Court! That’s where I’ve seen him.