Days of Darkness.

Apparently this one involves alien organisms from a comet infecting the living and turning them into zombies.  Lovelock and Starkwell don’t seem super enthusiastic.  Maybe it will surprise them and be GREAT.  Probably not.

[...]

[Comet flies through space.]

Lovelock: Holy shit, the CGI looks about as high-tech as a local furniture store commercial.

Starkwell: I was thinking mattress warehouse, but yeah, I agree.

Lovelock: OUR PRICES ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!!

[...]

[Zombie attack.]

Starkwell: This movie makes “The Asylum” movies seem high-budget.

Lovelock: At least it’s not wasting any time.

Starkwell: I disagree, I feel that it has already assured me that the whole thing will be one big waste of time.

[...]

Starkwell: Slasher and DEEJAY?  What the fuck is with their names?  Man, this movie sucks already.

Lovelock: I’m going to give it a chance.

Starkwell: Yeah good luck with that.

[Starkwell leaves.  In the distance, you can hear tires screeching and a car racing away.]

[...]

Thank goodness Starkwell left… just in time to NOT hear the character who turns out to be a porn star give the other “actor” a lecture about how many dudes have had sex in her ass.  There appears to be no likeable characters.  Even Lovelock seems annoyed at everyone.

[...]

[Steve reveals that he found a penis and balls.  It fell out of the pant leg of the zombie he was next to.]

Lovelock: And with that severed cock’n’balls closeup, I’m out.

[...]

I’m not sure if he’ll be back.  I’ll let the film continue playing, maybe he’ll come back.  There’s still like an hour left.  He just missed a close-up on the zombie’s open sore where his genitals USED TO BE.  As the characters get lamer and lamer, I am not all that confident that he’ll be back.  Ever.