Cockneys Vs. Zombies.

There have been more than a few zombie comedies made in the wake of “Shaun of the Dead”, and to be completely honest, none of them ever hold a candle to it.  This is the third film that I can think of that involves criminal types, in England, trying to avoid death by zombie.  If you expand outside of the UK, I can think of even more.  It was like people watched “Snatch” and “Shaun of the Dead” and thought, “I bet I can combine those and make a SUPER MEGA MOVIE”.  Try and guess if any of them has been right so far.  Moving right along.

[...]

[Construction workers find a tomb as they destroy a building, a skeleton rises up and eats them.]

Lovelock: Serves them RIGHT.

[Terrible intro music plays.]

Starkwell: Strong start, however… would have been stronger with a stronger song.

Lovelock: Seriously, why don’t these movies ever go full metal, instead of weak poppy punk?

Starkwell: And I could have done without the fart joke... one minute into the movie.

[...]

[Two idiots plan a bank robbery.]

Lovelock: If these guys pull this off, I’m going to live where they live and I’m gonna rob banks.

Starkwell: That’s a lot of wrong.

[...]

Clearly someone watched a lot of Guy Ritchie movies.  In fact, they even got that old dude from that Guy Ritchie movie to play the two dumb bank robber brothers’ grandfather.  Anyways, it is fairly well written.  The jokes all work.  The old people are funny and the dialogue is quick and entertaining.  It seems like the same crew that opened up the zombie tomb is about to tear down the old folks home where the granddad is living.  So the idiot brothers actually want to rob the bank to get the money necessary to save the home.  Pretty adorable.

[...]

[Montage of their robbery plans, and they go pick up a bunch of friends and family.]

Lovelock: I love a good caper.

Starkwell: I feel like there is probably some stuff being lost in translation here.

Lovelock: The film is in English!

Starkwell: Is it?

[...]

The gang manages to rob the bank, but didn’t realize that the silent alarm was tripped, so they were cornered.  Meanwhile the old folks’ home is overrun by zombies.  Simultaneously, lucky for them, zombies have overrun the town, so the cops that had them cornered have all been eaten.  The zombies aren’t bad looking, and the effects, overall, are as convincing as they need to be.

[...]

Starkwell: I prefer when people don’t refer to zombies as zombies in a zombie movie.

Lovelock: Yeah, that’s one of the golden rules.

Starkwell: Can there be more than one golden rule?

Lovelock: I think so.  Another one is to stop asking so many fucking questions.

Starkwell: These people say ‘muppet’ way too much.

[...]

There’s a scene where one of the gang drop kicks a baby.  It actually is kind of funny.  What isn’t funny is how one of the gang (the girl) already knows all of the zombie rules, and knows to shoot them in the head, and knows that a bite will turn them, and so on and so forth.  However, there was a pretty sweet Christopher Lee reference at one point.

[...]

[Super dragged out chase between a zombie and an old guy with a walker.]

Lovelock: Now THAT’s a good joke.

[...]

Though not as effective as the old folks’ action scenes in “Hot Fuzz”, it’s still pretty funny to watch old people fight zombies.  But that’s the main problem with the movie... It does a lot of different things, but doesn’t do any one of them quite as well as the movies that they are borrowing the ideas from in the first place.  That being said, so far it is still entertaining as Hell.

[...]

Starkwell: I feel like there are a lot of underdeveloped ideas here.

Lovelock: You’re underdeveloped.

[...]

It’s true. I mean what Starkwell said, not Lovelock... For example, they spent all of this time setting up that the building company left money at the bank, and then they ended up actually stealing that money and all of this… but in the end, who cares?  Everyone is dead, including the building company… so why did they bother?  Do they even need the money anymore?

[...]

[The surviving members of the Gang Of Stupid find... an armory of some kind and load up like Rambo (?)]

Lovelock: Lucky for them there’s a double-decker bus that she can hotwire?

[Then one of the characters used the Indiana Jones “no ticket” line when they shoot a zombie off of the bus, and it was super out of place and felt way forced and Lovelock puked a little in his mouth.]

[...]

Eventually they get to their granddad, and we all get treated to a montage of old people with guns killing zombies. A really long montage.  Longer than it needs to be.  It is still entertaining and fun, albeit really stupid.  In the end, the gang and the old folks (the ones that are left) make a clean getaway on the double-decker bus and then a ferry boat, but not before granddad sacrifices himself and Lovelock cries a little.  BUT WAIT HE’S NOT DEAD.  CANCEL THE TEARS.  Solid movie overall.  A touch short, but then again, it certainly didn’t need to be any longer.