Insanitarium.

If your sister is institutionalized, then of course the rational thing to do is fake go-crazy so you can end up in the nut house with her.  I mean what’s the worst that could happen?  Would a mad scientist turning his patients into flesh eating zombies be the worst thing?  Let’s let Starkwell and Lovelock find out if deciding to watch this movie is actually the worst thing.  Peter Stormare is in it, so it can’t be all bad.

[...]

[Main Character, Jack, pretends to FLIP OUT, cops wrestle him down.]

Starkwell: Easily the two lamest looking cops I have ever seen.

Lovelock:  Okay, so clearly his moustache is lame, but is the bad combover lame?  I actually think that makes him somehow cooler.

[...]

[They place Jack in some cell somewhere.]

Starkwell: Why would they put him next to serial killers and rapists?  You could fit a starship in that plot-hole.

Lovelock: True, but if you suspend your disbelief a little, maybe that starship will take us to the far away galaxies and beyond.

Starkwell: Yeah, or explode on takeoff.  We’ll see.

[...]

Stormare sure knows how to be creepy.  Although, there’s a scene where he lets the Crazy Bald Dude sniff his fingers, and I don’t really get why we need to see that.  Also, Crazy Girl That Screams Vagina needs to not be in this movie.

[...]

Starkwell: I know that he’s trying to convince everyone he’s Looney Tunes, but does Jack have to act like such a douche bag?

Lovelock: Probably.  That actor is way too pretty to not be all douchey all the time.

[...]

[Mad Scientist shocks a patient, Helper Bitch holds the patient down.]

Starkwell: Why the hell didn’t she get electrocuted?

Lovelock: I think your starship just got a little bigger.

[...]

The movie crept forward at a decent pace.  In your face plotholes aside, the story and acting weren’t bad, and Jack seemed likeable enough, as douchey as he kind of was.  “His sister seems like a pain in the ass”, said Lovelock.  Starkwell and Lovelock were paying attention, but not enough to stop them from playing word games on their smart phones.

[...]

Lovelock: Seriously, Scarface Vagina-Scream needs to not be in this movie.

[...]

Starkwell almost left when there was a horribly uncomfortable rape scene, but in order to save the day, I pressed fast forward.  I don’t do it often, but I didn’t feel like making Lovelock watch this one alone.

[...]

Starkwell: So… No one finds it odd that half the patients suddenly have crazy white eyes?

Lovelock: Think of it as a Moon sized plot-hole to go with your starship.

[White Eyed guy bites nurse.]

Lovelock: Alright, now we’re talking.

Starkwell: I guess… the nurse is kind of annoying.

Lovelock: Also, why is she dressed like a nurse from World War Two?

Starkwell: Because that’s all the director could find at the costume store.  And by costume store, of course, I mean one of those Halloween superstores that only opens for one month out of the year.

[...]

[Jack suddenly has a change of heart.]

Starkwell:  So he cooks up a plan to get in the institution with his sister so that… he can get in there, say hi, and realize he doesn’t belong… and then try to get the doctors to let him leave?  Is that another starship I see on the horizon?

Lovelock: Maybe not, I mean, if he was dumb enough to think that any of this was a good idea in the first place, maybe he should be in there after all.

[...]

Although Lovelock seemed somewhat entertained by Jack and his buddy and their Nancy-Drew-Hardy-Boy-esque investigation of what is going on, here at the INSANITARIUM, Starkwell is getting visibly frustrated.  Perhaps his interest has fallen into the plot-holes.  But then, during the awkward Mad Scientist / Helper Bitch sex scene, complete with tie-downs and panties stuffed in mouth, Starkwell stands up, shouts “I QUIT” and leaves.  Lovelock says “he’ll be back” but then added “probably not during this movie though.”  Since Lovelock barely ever leaves, as always, the rest will be things that he muttered to himself, yelled at the TV or simply shouted to the heavens.

[...]

[Guy rips head off of a cat, and licks the blood.]

Lovelock: Well, I’ve never seen that before.  Can’t say I’d ever want to see it again.

[...]

Lovelock: Lesson number one, when trying to not be perceived as crazy, don’t flip out and act fucking crazy.

[...]

Lovelock: Lesson number two, don’t reach arm into cage holding homicidal maniac.  Well, that is, unless you want him to literally rip your arm off.

[...]

[Scarface Vagina-Scream eats the guard’s penis off, also the World War Two nurse sucks/licks/feasts on Helper Bitch’s open wound.]

Lovelock: Lesson number three, sometimes when Starkwell leaves, you may be wise to follow.

[...]

[Guy eats his own hand, also the rabid zombies pop out of the ceiling like ninjas.]

Lovelock: Aww… look at all these plotholes… I miss Starkwell.

[...]

As holey as the movie is, Lovelock finds the level of gore fairly remarkable.  There is a lot of blood and the violence level skyrockets once the outbreak is in full swing.  Although at one point there were some seriously weak knife stabs featured quite prominently on screen.

[...]

[Topless Scarface Vagina-Scream finally dies.]

Lovelock: Who writes a character like that?  Who writes a character like that and keeps her around for that long?

[...]

Well, it ends, and it’s pretty depressing.  The movie’s not terrible, but it ain’t all that great either.  It definitely gets an ‘A’ for effort, an ‘A+’ for violence and gore.  Sadly, many other categories come in at ‘D’, ‘C –‘ or ‘FAILED BECAUSE OF TOO MANY ABSENCES’.