Apocalypse of the Dead.

Also known as “Zone of the Dead”, I don’t know a Hell of a lot about this movie, other than the fact that it was made a few years ago and manages to star “Dawn of the Dead” ass kicker Ken Foree.  That’s got to mean something.  Either the movie is good, or Ken Foree needed to eat.  It is a Serbian film… so there’s that that already sets it apart from the pack, at least a little.

[...]

Lovelock: Why was Ken Foree in Serbia?

Starkwell: Alright, this one looks REALLY cheap.

Lovelock: The film stock looks like the same as those CBC Original shows used in the eighties.

Starkwell: I’m not letting you work in another "Littlest Hobo" reference.

Lovelock: I was actually thinking "Kids In the Hall".

Starkwell: I actually find it has the quality of those Mexican soap operas.

[...]

Some of the actors have been overdubbed, others not.  With the exception of a couple of main characters EVERYONE has a thick accent.

[...]

Starkwell: Why would two Serbians speak to each other in English?

[...]

Then a bunch of soldiers are monkeying around with their pistols, as people do, and shoot a hole in the HUGE freight train parked next to them carrying some kind of nerve gas, that I assume is about to make everyone go all zombie.  This just might be one of the dumbest causes for an outbreak ever.  On the bright side, the running and rabid style zombies don’t look half bad.

[...]

[Ken Foree and some other agents are to escort a criminal dude to somewhere.]

Lovelock: ESCORT MISSION??!?!?!  If this were a video game, I would shut it off now.

[...]

There’s a whole evil military thing starting to play out, it’s all pretty cookie cutter.  The escort mission has officially gone awry, and they are now smack dab in the midst of a real zombie apocalypse.  A zone of the dead, if you will.  An apocalypse of the dead.  Then there was a really fucking amazing car stunt and Lovelock FLIPPED OUT.  Then they find a few survivors who are, obviously, scantily clad girls with huge cans.   There’s some kind of super soldier dude who is out there alone killing zombies.  He’s unstoppable, it seems.  Also… Great gore.

[...]

[One of the main old dudes has been bitten and his wound looks disgusting.]

Starkwell:  GROSS.

[Ken Foree and Infected Hand Wound Old Man have a heart to heart.]

Lovelock: This is just lke that movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman… you know the one about the shit list?

Starkwell: “Bucket List”?

Lovelock: More like bucket of shit.  That movie needed a zombie outbreak.

[...]

[They find a severed head that still wiggles!]

Lovelock: Wait did that guy say it was from Chernobyl?

[Old Man turns, Main Girl shoots his brain.]

Lovelock: It’s about FUCKING TIME.

[...]

Something they just noticed is that the characters don’t really have names.  PROFESSOR and PRISONER and etc.

[...]

[Ken Foree says “It’s dawn” when they step outside.]

Lovelock: Oh I GET IT.

Starkwell: Bravo.

[...]

[Ken Foree is surrounded by zombies… but these ones don’t run… all of a sudden…]

Starkwell: I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again… CONSISTENCY is important.

[...]

The movie drags a little, but it is pretty action packed.  At the ninety minute mark there is an all out war between the surviving main characters and a huge group of zombies.  There is head splitting, gunplay, and Ken Foree saying cheesy one liners.  What more do you need?  Well, story, I suppose.

[...]

[Prisoner runs off into the sunset alone.  And it’s like it was set up for a sequel.]

Lovelock: I kind of wish there was a sequel.  I’d watch it.

Starkwell: Strangely enough, I think I would too…

[...]

Good?  Kind of, I guess.  Miles better than anything the Asylum puts out?  Absolutely.  By all rights, Lovelock and Starkwell should have hated this movie, but they didn’t.  They even, dare I say, had fun.  An unexpected delight.

Return of the Living Dead III.

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Let Sleeping Corpses Lie.

It’s hard to believe that I’ve waited this long to show SUCH a classic film to Lovelock and Starkwell.  But then again, I waited three hundred movies before showing them “Night of the Living Dead”.  The DVD starts with a strange talking head shot of the director rambling on about the films many titles and telling us that he hopes we have a bad time watching it.  And then the film starts IMMEDIATELY, no menu.  Starkwell and Lovelock had better be ready.

[...]

[Dude closes up his art gallery and takes of for the holidays on his motorcycle.]

Starkwell: Might be the coolest looking guy ever.

[Actor’s name… RAY LOVELOCK!]

Lovelock: Maybe I’m related!

Starkwell: He’s running an art gallery, not a fart gallery.

Lovelock: Nailed it.

[...]

Cool dude George travels through the city and, for whatever reason, the director decides to show a naked woman streaking though the city streets.  Eventually George makes it out of the city and hits the beautiful countryside.  George stops for gas, and a Redhead backs her car onto his bike.  Busts it up, and now he’s screwed. So then George tells Redhead “you’ll drive me where I need to go, and I’ll drive”.  Clearly he’s a man of action… he just goes for it.

[...]

[George RELUCTANTLY agrees to take Redhead to her sister’s before heading to Windermere.  With her car.]

Lovelock: Jeez George, don’t trouble yourself.

Starkwell: He’s pretty much kidnapped her at this point.

[...]

They end up at a creepy farm.  This is after we hear over the radio that agricultural experiments are going on around here.  George sees the scientists with their experimental pesticide machine and tells them that they’re polluting the Earth and whatnot.  The idea of experimental pesticides bringing back the dead is, frankly, pretty ahead of its time.  Back at the car, the lonely Redhead sees a zombie and FREAKS OUT.  As the zombie chases her, Lovelock FREAKS OUT, plays air guitar and then does a handstand while Starkwell cheers.

[...]

[Redhead’s sister is batshit crazy and lives with a creepy photographer.]

Lovelock: Eurotrash.

Starkwell: He’s taking photos of the waterfall at night?

[Redhead sister is readying her arm for heroine when she is attacked by a beardy zombie.]

Lovelock: Wow, just looking at the syringe is making her TRIP BALLS.

Starkwell: Nah dude, that ain't no trip, that’s a real zombie.

Lovelock: EXCELLENT.

[She leads the zombie to her photographer husband.  The zombie immediately bludgeons the husband in the head with a rock, and kills him.]

Lovelock: This turning out to be a real crappy day for George.

Starkwell: I’d argue that it’s a worse day for the photographer.

Lovelock: Best wife ever.

[...]

The cops aren’t letting George leave.  They also suspect that the sister, Katie, killed her husband, after they found her heroine stash.  All in all, the dialogue and acting aren’t bad.  George is pretty kick ass.  Rather than getting too uppity about getting to Windermere as planned, he decides to SOLVE THE MURDER MYSTERY with Redhead.

[...]

Lovelock: George is on the case!

Starkwell: I love that it’s her car, but George is the one that now drives every time.

Lovelock: She backed into his motorcycle.  Personally, I’d have her ride in the trunk.

[...]

[At the hospital, the newborn babies are being born with an almost HOMICIDAL RAGE.]

Lovelock: There’s no special effects there.  That’s a straight up zombie baby for real.

[Apparently the experimental pesticide makes pests go crazy and kill each other.]

Starkwell: Good God.  This movie rules.

[...]

Redhead and George continue to investigate what REALLY happened to Katie’s husband.  Redhead is convinced that a recently deceased homeless man committed the crime, George intends on setting her straight by going to the homeless man’s grave.  So… they go to the cemetery.

[...]

[George and Redhead are attacked by zombies.]

Lovelock: That’s why when the dead walk the earth, I never go to the cemetery.

Starkwell: The zombie groans are fucking terrifying.

[...]

George figures it all out.  The radiation from the experiment brought the dead back, because the nervous system goes on living after death.  And the zombies can revive other corpses with human blood, transmitting it like a virus.  I don’t know HOW he figured all that out, but he did.

[...]

[Zombies kill cop in the cemetery.  They eat his guts.]

Lovelock: This movie really has it all.  And I feel like every movie should have a guts eating scene.

Starkwell: Not sure if that type of scene can really fit in any movie.

Lovelock: Name me a movie.

Starkwell: “Million Dollar Baby”.

Lovelock: Are you kidding me?  Imagine if they all started eating her after she goes down in the ring?  Way better.

[...]

Meanwhile George tries to get the scientists to stop their experiments and Redhead goes back to her sister’s farm, only to be attacked, of course, by zombie photographer.  I belive her arm gets bitten.  She goes a bit bonkers.

[...]

[She drives up the street and gets out of her car.]

Starkwell: Why would she get out of her car?

Lovelock: Who knows.  This is the girl that backed into a motorcycle at a gas station.

[...]

The cops still aren’t convinced that there are zombies.  They still think George is the killer.  George very easily escapes police custody and rushes back to find Redhead.  Turns out she went to the hospital, which is where the morgue is, which is where the dead bodies are, which is where the zombies are now.  And so, everyone ends up at the hospital.  And now she is a zombie.

[...]

[Zombies tear open the lady receptionist's shirt, tear her breast clean off and then gut her.]

Starkwell: What is with the Spaniards and their insistence on stabbing/ripping/biting breasts in film?

Lovelock: Why mess with a good formula?

Starkwell: Wait what?

[...]

Then the cops show up at the hospital RIGHT as George finishes setting fire to all the zombies.  So they don’t see any zombies.  So they think he just massacred everyone.  So they kill George.  The film ends with the cop going home only to find ZOMBIE GEORGE!  Then zombie George strangles the cop and kills him.  It is a fucking bananas ending, terrifically depressing, and deeply satisfying, all at the same time.  But wait, where exactly is the Manchester Morgue?  Also, I guess he never made it to Windermere.

Zombie Massacre.

It was only a matter of time before Starkwell and Lovelock would be subjected to another Uwe Boll film.  “House of the Dead” may indeed have left a horrible sour taste in their mouth, but I’m sure it may end up looking like Academy Award material in comparison to some of his more recent work.  I’ve seen “Blubberella”, and if this is anything like that film, Starkwell and Lovelock may only last a few minutes.

[...]

[Zombie outbreak is in full swing.  Zombies are rabid-style and have melty skin like Darkman.]

Starkwell: Well, the production looks to be a step up from “Blubberella”.

Lovelock: Not exactly a high bar, son.

Starkwell: It’s Uwe Boll.  The bar is basically underground.

Lovelock: The tagline is right.  There IS no hope.

[...]

As the credits roll, it becomes evident that Netflix lied to us, and that the film is merely produced by Boll, but actually written and directed by two other fellows.  There was much rejoicing in the room upon this realization, and I believe Starkwell said the bar just emerged from the ground.  Apparently the film also goes by “Apocalypse Z”, cementing that this is a mockbuster of sorts, trying to cash in on “World War Z” and the current zombie fad.  These are all tell-tale signs that the movie Starkwell and Lovelock are about to watch is really bad.

[...]

[American politicians put together a super team to fight zombies.]

Starkwell: America’s Secretary of Defense is British?

Lovelock: They certainly gave him a shitty office.

Starkwell: Shot on location in the director's basement.

[...]

There was a horribly long conversation about eating and sex involving some soldiers.  It was the worst.  Ten minutes later, and they’re still just talking.  Not much in the way of zombies or massacres for a movie called “Zombie Massacre”.

[...]

Lovelock: It should be called “English Language Massacre”.

[...]

[Uwe Boll plays the President.  Of the United States.  Of America.]

Lovelock: Did he just say “Or I push ze red button?”  What the…

Starkwell: They clearly have SOME American actors in the film, why did they need to cast people with thick accents as American Politicians?

Lovelock: Casting by Uwe Boll?

Starkwell: "I give you ze money, but you make me play ze President.  OF ZE WORLD."

[...]

Anyways, the zombie kill squad goes around killing zombies and trying to save the world, I think.  Everything is very by-the-numbers, but it’s not even done with any style or panache.  There is also quite a bit of needless “slow-mo”.

[...]

Starkwell: If they just put the slow-mo in regular speed, we’d probably get ten minutes of our life back.

Lovelock: If we push the button for fast forward, we might be in luck as well.

Starkwell: That or 'stop'.

[...]

Lovelock: Why would the sword wielding red-head be dressed like that?

Starkwell: Why would there be a redhead with sword skills?

Lovelock: In a world with Uwe Boll as POTUS, anything is possible, I guess.

Starkwell: And why is her hair like that?  Oh man, I hate this movie.

[...]

It’s the type of film where before killing a zombie, someone will say “hey baby, where have you been all my life”… which really makes absolutely no sense.  Think about it.  Think about how much that line makes no sense and sucks.

[...]

[Redhead does a kill!]

Lovelock: Slowest swordplay ever.

Starkwell: At least they left it in regular speed.

[...]

Then the group finds the daughter of the doctor who developed the weapon that created the zombies in the first place and its all like “yeah, let’s do this” or something.  Fuck I hate this movie.

[...]

Lovelock: As bad as this is, it’s still much better than an ACTUAL Uwe Boll film.

Starkwell: His involvement must have been fairly minimal, especially since there haven’t been boobies at every turn.

[...]

[The American military hold the main good guy’s daughter hostage.]

Lovelock: So, the American military are evil?

Starkwell: Who knows… this guy is British anyways.

Lovelock: Yeah… I’m lost.

Starkwell: Might have to do with the fact that you fast-forwarded through the last half hour.

Lovelock: I think I’d be lost either way.

[...]

[Super Mutant Zombie (aka guy in a rubber suit) attacks!!!]

Lovelock: I guess rubber suit is better than bad CGI.  So this movie gets a point for that.

Starkwell: So, that puts it at… one point.

[...]

Then there was a scene with slower than the swordplay martial art fighting and Lovelock and Starkwell started laughing really hard.

[...]

Starkwell: Did that guy say “let’s do this Alabama style”?  What does that even mean?

Lovelock: I’m not sure, but I’m certain that the film makers are even less sure.

[...]

The film ends with a scene featuring two topless girls swimming in a pool and suddenly becoming zombies and attacking people.  They have big ol’ honking implants, and we all feel that this must have been Uwe Boll’s input.

[...]

Lovelock: “Zis is not bad, but perzhaps zyou can putz some boobies into ze last scene?”

Starkwell: Nailed it.

Chanbara Beauty: The Movie - Vortex.

If I read correctly, this film is going to be exactly what you think it is: girls in schoolgirl outfits that look underage fighting zombies with swords.  They may or may not get naked at one point!  If it’s like that horrible one about the girls swim team, they might even do sex on other girls!  I think this may even be the second film in a series, but I don't know.  The film opens up with a short narration about why there are zombies then goes full on into a half naked girl twirling around with a sword fighting zombies.  Starkwell already left, saying “I know this will offer me nothing.”  As he walked away Lovelock replied “it will probably offer boobies though.”

[...]

[Ninety minutes of girls in bikinis and schoolgirl outfits fighting zombies.]

Lovelock: Well, the movie certainly isn’t pretending to be anything more than it is.

[There is SOME back story thrown in, and the occasional conversation between the half nakeds about what they need to do next.  And eventually they meet other half nakeds along the way…]

[...]

The end.  Zack Snyder fans must love this one.  Also, fourteen year old boys.  Did I mention that the bikini girl wears a cowboy hat and boots and has a feathery scarf on?  Exactly.  Plus, why is the title "The Movie DASH Vortex"?

The Revenant.

So apparently this one involves a back-from-the-dead soldier, who behaves a bit like the zombie sidekick in "Dylan Dog", from what I gather, and he apparently comes back and starts helping his friend deal with drug dealers and clean up the streets.  Potential is through the roof.  So let's just see how badly they fuck that up. The film clocks in just under two hours, so it just may be a long ride… We start with a group of soldiers travelling in the desert who are suddenly ambushed.  Bart is shot and killed, and then we cut to his funeral, along with some annoying overbearing orchestra music that sounds like the kind of music they play during the parades at Disney World.

[...]

[Bart's girlfriend Janet and his buddy Joey talk shit about the Priest's sermon at the funeral.]

Lovelock: What's with priests using main events where they FINALLY have a crowd to lay a guilt trip everyone who isn't a regular?

Starkwell: Seriously.

Lovelock: "Welcome to Christmas mass... I see a lot of unfamiliar faces."

Starkwell: Lame.

[Joey and Janet start furiously making out.]

Lovelock: Ummm…

Starkwell: Well they certainly weren't listening at church today.

Lovelock: Sinners!  Bart's not even buried yet.

[...]

That night, Bart rises up out of his coffin, startled, scared, confused, and ZOMBIE.  Much rejoicing was had by both Lovelock and Starkwell, as Bart discovered his rotting face in a mirror and began cutting the stitches holding his mouth together.  He goes to see Joey, who, understandably, is freaked out.  Good dialogue and the jokes actually work.

[...]

[Bart tries to eat a slice of pizza, vomits black tar everywhere.]

Lovelock: That's why I always prefer pizza same day.

Starkwell: You're nuts! Cold pizza is the shit.

[At the end of the night Bart collapses, and is full dead again.]

[...]

The 'wiccan' nurse of the group, Mathilda, thinks that he is a vampire.  Joey makes fun of her repeatedly, and then she leaves and tells Joey that he needs to chop off Bart's head and drive a stake into his heart.

[...]

[Night time comes, Bart wakes up again, Joey feeds him breakfast and he pukes black tar.]

Lovelock: They don't seem to be learning.

Starkwell: So… much… vomit…

[...]

Bart goes to a hospital to steal blood, and he's caught by a nurse, being played by the woman that played nurse Haleh on "E.R.".  This of course led to Starkwell and Lovelock ignoring the film for at least ten minutes while they, for whatever reason, talked about the final season of "E.R." and Noah Wyle's character.  Meanwhile, Joey and Bart figured out that if he drinks blood, he feels much better.  But he still "dies" when the morning comes.

[...]

[Joey figures out that he is not a vampire, but rather, he is a REVENANT.]

Starkwell: I appreciate the attention to detail.  Most movies would be lazy and just be all "you're a zombie ZOIKS!"

Lovelock: Zoiks?

Starkwell: Yeah, you know, all like "Derrrrrrrp".

Lovelock: When in the shit are they gonna get to the crimefighting?

[...]

Then they get mugged, by some Latino dude, and Bart gets shot a bunch.  But, since he's already dead, he gets back up, they knock out the mugger, drag him into the car, and Bart drinks the mugger's blood.  Bart ends up feeling much better.  Not quite crimefighting, but an acceptable start, according to Lovelock.  Janet finds out he's undead (finally), and they spend some time together (like five minutes), but then Bart heads right back out with Joey (because I guess he doesn't really give a shit about Janet?).

[...]

[Once again, they get mugged, this time in a convenience store, by a black guy.]

Lovelock: Remind me not to live wherever it is that they live.

Starkwell: Also… racist much?

[...]

Then they stop a white crackhead who's robbing a black guy.  Starkwell felt this was a 'convenient' way to resolve his earlier concern.  So, now they've upgraded from "self-defense after randomly being mugged" to proper crimefighting.  As Bart kills and sucks the blood from criminals, they also start a serious gun collection, and they make the news.  Bronson style.  Except severely less tough.

[...]

[Joey gets shot, Bart sucks his blood.]

Lovelock: Certainly was a short-lived partnership.

[Joey wakes up the next night as a revenant too.]

Starkwell: But wait… wouldn't that mean that all of their victims would be waking back up?

Lovelock: Confused.

[...]

With both of them as revenants, they go even harder on the crimefighting quest.  Aside from the Starkwell-mentioned plot hole, it makes literally no sense at all that Janet hasn't wanted to see Bart again since she realized he was undead, and vice-versa with Bart basically ignoring that he ever had a love interest.  They've basically not talked about her at all.  It's a little weak and unexplained.  Especially since you just know they are OBVIOUSLY going to have the whole "Joey slept with Janet" thing come around to screw things up.

[...]

[Mathilda finds out what they are doing, Joey kills her.]

Lovelock: Well this took a grim turn.

Starkwell: They took forever to get to this point, and now they're cramming the entire story into the final act.

Lovelock: And suddenly they give a shit about Janet again?

[...]

Then Janet feeds Bart some of her blood and it's all sexual and Lovelock and Starkwell are fully uncomfortable, and confused. Bart, obviously, goes too far and sucks her dry.  Then Joey and Bart have a gun fight and they part ways.  Joey is heading to Vegas and Bart chops off Janet's head, and then gets arrested.

[...]

[Joey gets pulled over and grabbed by a band of criminals led by the original Latino dude that they killed.]

Starkwell: Well, they actually wrapped that plot hole up nice and neatly, I guess.  Good on you, movie.

Lovelock: So wait… everyone that they killed is out there being all zombie? COOL!  I think...

[...]

Bart escapes the morgue and finds a package at his door… it's JOEY'S HEAD.  He's still alive and talking (well, he can only talk with the help of a vibrator).  Bart smashes his head, puts him out of his misery, after finding out that basically everyone that they killed are likely about to come after him.

[...]

Starkwell: Wait, there's another fifteen fucking minutes?

[Montage of Bart trying to off himself in various ways.]

Lovelock: Looking good today buddy.  Looking real good.

[...]

After all that, I guess Bart gave up entirely on even trying to be good, and kills a random woman on the subway.  He exits the subway and there's a SWAT team waiting.  For some reason, the SWAT team starts shooting and kills about two dozen civilians.  It really doesn't make any sense.  Bart gets up and runs away.  The film ends with him being captured by people in HASMAT gear.  Then it cuts to a research lab where some woman is explaining a bunch of shit about the revenants.  Unfortunately, they decide to show us full frontal fucking dude and lady nudity.  All of the undead people are to become super soldiers I think.

[...]

Lovelock: Must suck to be that old actor, whose credit in this film likely reads "old zombie that hangs dong".

[...]

Good movie.  Too long, though, and a bit confused at times.

C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud.

The mid to late eighties had a few horror genre “sequel in name only” releases that took their namesakes and blew them to smithereens.  “House II”, “Return of the Living Dead Part 2”, Hell even “Creepshow 2”.  “C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud” is no different, and promises to be an absolutely miserable film.  I can’t wait.

[...]

[Robert Vaughn is some Colonel presiding over the hearing where they are discontinuing the C.H.U.D. research.]

Lovelock: “CHUD 2” and “Zombi 5”?  This was definitely his golden age…

Starkwell: Did that woman say the "C.H.U.D. enzyme"?

Lovelock: Who knows, I've already stopped paying attention.

[...]

Then there’s a "CHUD" that escapes his bed and runs around in the lab until they capture him by freezing him with fire extinguishers.  I think Colonel Vaughn intends on setting the "CHUD" loose in some small town.  On Halloween?  Not sure.  We were all busy bitching at how the "CHUD" isn't a "CHUD".  Then it cuts to the high school and we are introduced to Rebel Steve and Nerd Kev.

[...]

[Steve and Kev accidentally push a dead body on a stretcher out the delivery door at the school.  It rolls down a hill onto the highway.]

Lovelock: What high schools have unsupervised and fully uncovered dead bodies sitting in the storage room?

[They go to the hospital and steal a body.]

Starkwell: I’m guessing one that's run by the same people that run this hospital and leave a frozen Military-Owned "CHUD" unsupervised in a local hospital.

Lovelock: How did they get past the guards?  How did they get in the "CHUD" room?

Starkwell: How did they get out?

Lovelock: Wait… is this “Weekend at Bernie’s”?

Starkwell: Also, no one ever found the original dead body?  The one they left rolling down the highway?

Lovelock: Maybe it's still out there, rolling from town to town, getting into adventures.

Starkwell: Like "Weekend at Bernie's"?

Lovelock: "Weekend at Bernie's" mixed with "The Littlest Hobo".

[...]

Steve and Kev reanimate the "CHUD" in the bathtub.  He gets out of the tub and slips on the floor.  DEEERrrrrrRRRRrrrrp.  Anyways, then Lovelock and STarkwell got into another lengthy venting session about how this “CHUD” is one hundred percent not a “CHUD”, but instead is just an undead dude walking around groaning like a monkey and/or Tim the Toolman.  Don't smell the dog food, silly "CHUD"!  Uh oh, the "CHUD" is chasing after the dog!  Now the dog’s a "CHUD".  DeeeerrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRp.

[...]

[There’s a “Bud the Chud” theme song playing over a montage of people getting all "CHUD".]

Lovelock: Every time they refer to one of these non "CHUD"s as a "CHUD", I think a little piece of me dies.

Starkwell: I’m done.

Lovelock: Me too.

[...]

This movie sucks.  I’m fairly certain that no one involved with this hunk of shit actually ever SAW the original film. The guy who wrote this, Ed Naha, also wrote “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” the same year.  He used a different name, M. Kane Jeeves, for this one.  I don’t blame him.  I wouldn’t want anyone to know I wrote it either.  The ironic thing is that he also wrote the original “Troll” movie, a movie that had one of the most famously bad “sequel in name only” films ever produced.  “Troll 2” has no trolls in it, and let me tell you, if you’ve ever seen “C.H.U.D.” you know, this film has no "CHUD" in it AT ALL. Hate is a strong word.  And Starkwell and Lovelock agreed that in this case, it isn’t strong enough.