Deathdream.

Hot off of the heels of his semi-successful quasi-cult “classic” entitled “Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things”, Director Bob Clark and Writer Alan Ormsby teamed back up for a second zombie pic, this one about a singular zombie in the form of a resurrected war vet.  You might think that this has been done before, but remember, this was in 1972, the movie, was “Dead of Night”.  It could be ahead of its time, but that doesn’t always make it good.  Let’s find out, shall we? The DVD is another Blue Underground release.

[...]

[Family gets news that their Son and Brother, Andy, has died, and yet, he returns home.  They all react, with tremendous laughter.]

Starkwell: The family seems to be taking it rather well, considering he just told them that he was, in fact, dead.

Lovelock: Maybe there’s a gas leak.

[...]

The movie pressed forward, the story was intriguing, the directing and cinematography were atmospherically chilling, the dialogue was top notch and the acting was rather exquisite.  Starkwell and Lovelock sat quietly, completely immersed in the story.  I’ve never seen them this quiet.  Every time that they would show a close up on Andy’s creepy grin, Lovelock would silently pump his fist and bite his lower lip.

[...]

[Andy chokes the family dog.]

Lovelock: What the… was that a real fucking dog?  He threw it!

[Starkwell just had a single tear rolling down his cheek, silently horrified.]

[...]

Time keeps passing, Andy keeps decaying.  He gets crazier and crazier and the film gets scarier and scarier.  Starkwell sits in awe.  Lovelock anticipates some Andy kill power.

[...]

[Andy injects his victim’s blood into his veins.]

Lovelock: Be careful, Andy, they say that blood is a gateway drug.

Starkwell: I hate to break it to you, but he’s well past the gate.

Lovelock: These damn kids today with their 'Twilight' stories and their blood.

Starkwell: This movie is almost forty years old!

Lovelock: Yeah but, vampires don’t age.

Starkwell: Wait… what?

[...]

Andy’s face started melting, and he proceeded to go on a rampage.  Sometime during said rampage, Lovelock stood up and started clapping and laughing, simultaneously.

[...]

[To avoid spoilers, I won’t say what happened, but here’s their reaction to the final scene.]

Starkwell: I have never seen anything like that.

Lovelock: No Andy! Don’t go!

[...]

Starkwell then tried explaining the point of the movie to Lovelock, but halfway through Lovelock interrupted him with a very obnoxious and loud “Who cares?  It was awesome, don’t try to ruin it for me!” and then walked out of the room.  Starkwell then started looking up the guy who played Andy to see what else he has done.  Hard to believe Bob Clark directed “Porky’s”.

Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things.

Before 'Porky’s' and before 'Christmas Story', Bob Clark created a few entries in the Zombie genre, one of which was the cult “classic” 'Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things'.  We have here now a 35^th anniversary edition, which will certainly still look like garbage, given the uniquely piss poor quality of the original source material.  I’ve heard good things and bad, so let’s see what the guys have to say about it.  Starting… NOW.

[...]

[The annoying characters travel on a dimly lit island, that appears to consist mostly of graves and trees.]

Starkwell: This movie could have benefited from some lighting.

Lovelock: This movie could have benefited from some budget.

Starkwell: Yeah, I think they spent it all on Alan Ormsby’s pants.

Lovelock: They certainly didn’t spend it on bras for the female characters.

[...]

[Low on action, the characters continue to talk about bringing a corpse back to life, I think to help them be better actors.]

Starkwell: I’m surprised to say this, but the dialogue isn’t bad.

Lovelock: I guess... something needs to happen… other than ridiculous rituals.

Starkwell: I’m not sure what any of this has to do with being a theatre troupe.

[...]

Not much seemed to be happening.  They may or may not have dozed off, but, they came to just in time to hear the guy talk about how he peed himself.  The first time that the guy said he just peed, it was funny.  The second time, it was a little less funny.  The third time, it was somehow even funnier.  Every time after that, including when Lovelock and Starkwell would randomly say it, was hilarious.

[...]

[Everyone continues to be disturbed by the disrespectful way that Orville, the dug-up male corpse that Alan Ormsby has now held a wedding ceremony with, is being treated.]

Lovelock: Alright the whole Orville thing is getting old.

Starkwell: This movie is getting old.

Lovelock: This movie is old.

Starkwell: I just peed my pants.

[...]

Their patience was wearing thin, but then all hell broke loose, and there was some damn good Zombie action.  Lovelock and Starkwell didn’t say much after that.  They seemed happy when the movie ended, but I still can’t tell if it’s because they enjoyed it, or because it was, in fact, over.  Time will tell.