It’s hard to believe that I’ve waited this
long to show SUCH a classic film to Lovelock and Starkwell. But then again, I waited three hundred movies
before showing them “Night of the Living Dead”.
The DVD starts with a strange talking head shot of the director rambling
on about the films many titles and telling us that he hopes we have a bad time
watching it. And then the film starts
IMMEDIATELY, no menu. Starkwell and
Lovelock had better be ready.
[...]
[Dude closes up his art gallery and takes
of for the holidays on his motorcycle.]
Starkwell: Might be the coolest looking guy
ever.
[Actor’s name… RAY LOVELOCK!]
Lovelock: Maybe I’m related!
Starkwell: He’s running an art gallery, not
a fart gallery.
Lovelock: Nailed it.
[...]
Cool dude George travels through the city
and, for whatever reason, the director decides to show a naked woman streaking
though the city streets. Eventually
George makes it out of the city and hits the beautiful countryside. George stops for gas, and a Redhead backs her
car onto his bike. Busts it up, and now
he’s screwed. So then George tells Redhead “you’ll drive me where I need to go,
and I’ll drive”. Clearly he’s a man of
action… he just goes for it.
[...]
[George RELUCTANTLY agrees to take Redhead
to her sister’s before heading to Windermere.
With her car.]
Lovelock: Jeez George, don’t trouble
yourself.
Starkwell: He’s pretty much kidnapped her
at this point.
[...]
They end up at a creepy farm. This is after we hear over the radio that
agricultural experiments are going on around here. George sees the scientists with their
experimental pesticide machine and tells them that they’re polluting the Earth
and whatnot. The idea of experimental
pesticides bringing back the dead is, frankly, pretty ahead of its time. Back at the car, the lonely Redhead sees a
zombie and FREAKS OUT. As the zombie
chases her, Lovelock FREAKS OUT, plays air guitar and then does a handstand while Starkwell
cheers.
[...]
[Redhead’s sister is batshit crazy and
lives with a creepy photographer.]
Lovelock: Eurotrash.
Starkwell: He’s taking photos of the
waterfall at night?
[Redhead sister is readying her arm for
heroine when she is attacked by a beardy zombie.]
Lovelock: Wow, just looking at the syringe
is making her TRIP BALLS.
Starkwell: Nah dude, that ain't no trip, that’s a real zombie.
Lovelock: EXCELLENT.
[She leads the zombie to her photographer
husband. The zombie immediately
bludgeons the husband in the head with a rock, and kills him.]
Lovelock: This turning out to be a real
crappy day for George.
Starkwell: I’d argue that it’s a worse day
for the photographer.
Lovelock: Best wife ever.
[...]
The cops aren’t letting George leave. They also suspect that the sister, Katie,
killed her husband, after they found her heroine stash. All in all, the dialogue and acting aren’t
bad. George is pretty kick ass. Rather than getting too uppity about getting
to Windermere as planned, he decides to SOLVE THE MURDER MYSTERY with Redhead.
[...]
Lovelock: George is on the case!
Starkwell: I love that it’s her car, but
George is the one that now drives every time.
Lovelock: She backed into his
motorcycle. Personally, I’d have her ride in the
trunk.
[...]
[At the hospital, the newborn babies are
being born with an almost HOMICIDAL RAGE.]
Lovelock: There’s no special effects
there. That’s a straight up zombie baby for real.
[Apparently the experimental pesticide
makes pests go crazy and kill each other.]
Starkwell: Good God. This movie rules.
[...]
Redhead and George continue to investigate
what REALLY happened to Katie’s husband.
Redhead is convinced that a recently deceased homeless man committed the
crime, George intends on setting her straight by going to the homeless man’s
grave. So… they go to the cemetery.
[...]
[George and Redhead are attacked by
zombies.]
Lovelock: That’s why when the dead walk the
earth, I never go to the cemetery.
Starkwell: The zombie groans are fucking
terrifying.
[...]
George figures it all out. The radiation from the experiment brought the
dead back, because the nervous system goes on living after death. And the zombies can revive other corpses with
human blood, transmitting it like a virus.
I don’t know HOW he figured all that out, but he did.
[...]
[Zombies kill cop in the cemetery. They eat his guts.]
Lovelock: This movie really has it
all. And I feel like every movie should have
a guts eating scene.
Starkwell: Not sure if that type of scene
can really fit in any movie.
Lovelock: Name me a movie.
Starkwell: “Million Dollar Baby”.
Lovelock: Are you kidding me? Imagine if they all started eating her after
she goes down in the ring? Way better.
[...]
Meanwhile George tries to get the
scientists to stop their experiments and Redhead goes back to her sister’s
farm, only to be attacked, of course, by zombie photographer. I belive her arm gets bitten. She goes a bit bonkers.
[...]
[She drives up the street and gets out of
her car.]
Starkwell: Why would she get out of her
car?
Lovelock: Who knows. This is the girl that backed into a
motorcycle at a gas station.
[...]
The cops still aren’t convinced that there
are zombies. They still think George is
the killer. George very easily escapes
police custody and rushes back to find Redhead.
Turns out she went to the hospital, which is where the morgue is, which
is where the dead bodies are, which is where the zombies are now. And so, everyone ends up at the hospital. And now she is a zombie.
[...]
[Zombies tear open the lady receptionist's shirt,
tear her breast clean off and then gut her.]
Starkwell: What is with the Spaniards and
their insistence on stabbing/ripping/biting breasts in film?
Lovelock: Why mess with a good formula?
Starkwell: Wait what?
[...]
Then the cops show up at the hospital RIGHT as
George finishes setting fire to all the zombies. So they don’t see any zombies. So they think he just massacred
everyone. So they kill George. The film ends with the cop going home only to
find ZOMBIE GEORGE! Then zombie George
strangles the cop and kills him. It is a
fucking bananas ending, terrifically depressing, and deeply satisfying, all at
the same time. But wait, where exactly
is the Manchester Morgue? Also, I guess he never made it to Windermere.
I liked this film; admired it even. I just found it a bit, dare I say dull. I might watch it again as it's been a while now and I may have just been tired on the day.
ReplyDeleteThis was actually my third time watching it. The first time actually fell asleep during the film!
ReplyDeleteBut this time around I was absolutely captivated.
It does improve upon repeat viewings. Glad to see Lovelock and Starkwell took it easy on it. lol
ReplyDelete