You got to hand it to people that don’t bother to find a
name for their film that hasn’t already been used. Hand them a trophy for laziness. "Infected" might be the most generic name ever. Anyway, this one somehow has Michael Madsen
in it, and looks terrible. It starts
fairly quickly, with a narrator talking about how the Earth has gone to shit,
and then cuts to Michael Madsen and some other people hauled up in a cabin in
the woods, fighting off zombies.
[...]
[Terrible effects, overbearing shitty music, and HORRIFYING
over acting from Madsen.]
Lovelock: How?
Starkwell: Dude needs to eat, I guess.
[The sound mixing is hard to sit with.]
Starkwell: It sounds like the sound was recorded on an old
tape recorder and then played back through a phone.
[...]
Anyways, then it says “TWO HOURS EARLIER”, so now I suppose
we are going to be treated with the boring story of how they got to that
point. Sometimes a good actor like
Madsen can lend credibility to a shitty film, but instead, he just helps
everyone else look EVEN WORSE. Madsen
isn’t the only recognizable character actor in here. William Forsythe is in this one too and is
wearing a terrible wig. Thinking about
how much money this thing might have cost to make, is just depressing. It doesn’t LOOK cheap, it just FEELS fucking
cheap.
[...]
Lovelock: This is painful.
[...]
Two characters that we haven’t seen before are out in the
woods… one’s a nerd, the other a… prostitute?
And they… hump in the woods?
[...]
Starkwell: Why do these movies always think they need to
shows boobies?
Lovelock: Some people will overlook a lot when there are
boobies.
Starkwell: You?
Lovelock: No. Those
weren’t even really good boobies anyways. Maybe for good boobies.
[...]
The conversation went on about boobies for a while and
then they both got up and left. Watching
it in fast forward, it seems like the zombies show up around the thirty minute
mark, and by the hour mark, we are back to where we were before it said “TWO
HOURS EARLIER”. Anyways, it ends on a
downer. Hooray! It’s certainly not the worst, but still SO FAR AWAY from
being any good. There’s a whole end part
with black and white zombies and the dudes building a vehicle and like weapons
and shit, and it’s all just so fucking played.
Runtime ninety minutes, feels like infinity.
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