Let's Scare Jessica to Death.

Apparently more of a psychological thriller than the more traditional zombie camp that Starkwell and Lovelock are used to, I’m pretty excited to throw them a different type of bone.  This early seventies picture was directed by John Hancock, who is better known for directing a baseball picture that helped launch DeNiro’s career.  Anyways, I literally have no idea what to expect here.

[...]

[Jessica plays in a graveyard, sees a blonde girl in a nightgown.]

Starkwell: I kind of like that we can hear Jessica’s crazy thoughts.

Lovelock: Dude she’s not crazy, I saw the blonde girl too.

Starkwell: Well… yeah we the viewer saw what she saw, but that doesn't mean... but… oh never mind.

Lovelock: Act normal, Lovelock.  Don’t let them know…

Starkwell: Who drives around in a hearse anyways?

Lovelock: Damn hippies, that’s who.

[...]

Jessica continues to hear voices, talk to herself, and see people that aren’t there.  The empty rocking chair was particularly creepy, and caused Lovelock to nervously fat a couple of times.

[...]

[Jessica and her crew find a squatter, named Emily, in their newly acquired farmhouse.]

Starkwell: So let me get this straight, they get to their house, find someone living in it, and not only do they not seem upset AT ALL, they immediately trust her and invite her to stay the night?

Lovelock: It was a different time.  I bet they still picked up hitch hikers back then.  Damn Hippies.

Starkwell: Wait, is she playing a lute?

Lovelock: Of course the dude has a cello sitting around… Damn hippies.

[...]

It’s becoming clear that Jessica is completely bonkers.  We know that she was just released from an institution of some kind, and she keeps hinting at the fact that she was nuts.  But we don’t know what happened yet.  Starkwell also says that it’s becoming clear that “this movie is awesome.”  He doesn’t usually make a call like that this early.  Let’s see if he still feels that way as we get further in.

[...]

Lovelock: Of course Emily wants to have a séance…

Starkwell: Damn hippies.

Lovelock: Hey! Thems my line.

[...]

As the story continues to unfold, and the characters are developed, Lovelock falls asleep.  Jessica goes swimming and sees a dead body and it touches her.  Her descent back into madness is happening at an appropriate pace.  I haven’t seen Starkwell this excited in a long time.

[...]

Starkwell: You know, if Jessica is worried that Duncan and Woody are going to think she is nuts, playing dress-up in the attic and dancing around by yourself isn’t exactly a good choice…

[...]

The creepy whispers that keep playing, that we assume Jessica hears in her head are exceedingly creepy.  Enough so, that I believe they caused Lovelock to have a nightmare during his nap, as he woke up screaming “JESSICA MAKE IT STOP!”  His heart is racing now… so I think he’ll stay awake for the remainder.

[...]

[Three old dudes try and intimidate Duncan and Jessica in town.  They all seem to have wounds of some kind.]

Lovelock: I don’t know… the elderly are one demographic I don’t really find creepy.  Just push’em over and they’ll break their hips.

Starkwell: Dude, really?

Lovelock: Unless they have super powers.

Starkwell: Well, there’s definitely something off with these ones.

Lovelock: They look like typical townies to me.  Just hatin’ on damn hippies.

[...]

[Jessica goes back to the cemetery and sees Blondie McNightgown again, but this time follows her into the forest and finds a dead body.]

Starkwell: At this point, I would stop following strange apparitions if I were her…

[Duncan finds Jessica, but the dead body is gone, but then, Blondie reappears.]

Starkwell: Well at least now Duncan knows she isn’t totally nuts.

Lovelock: I don’t know… she seems pretty happy and nutty for someone who just followed a random girl through a forest and found a dead body.

Starkwell: I think she’s smiling because now Duncan will believe her.

Lovelock: That’s just what they want you to think.

Starkwell: Who?

[Then they both went quiet as the couple interrogated the Blonde Girl.]

[...]

Jessica is getting more and more paranoid, and she keeps hearing voices.  But, we the audience, are starting to suspect that Emily is not who she says she is.  It’s becoming clear that she is evil, and that she may even be THE LIVING DEAD.

[...]

Starkwell: I don’t trust that red hair, not for a second.

Lovelock: That’s just what they want you to think.

Starkwell: Dude, seriously… who?

[...]

I think the movie broke Lovelock.

[...]

[Duncan tells Jessica she needs more therapy and should go back to New York.]

Lovelock: Why?  So ya can put yer peener into Emily? What a fucking asshole! He saw the nightgown girl too!  Why would he treat Jessica, HIS WIFE, like that?

Starkwell: Long answer has to do with Emily and peener, short answer is that he’s an asshole.

Lovelock: Either way, I hope he gets dead.

[Duncan sleeps on the sofa and and softly ends up putting his peener into Emily.]

Lovelock: I hope he gets REALLY dead.

[...]

Jessica realizes that Emily is Abigail Bishop, the girl who supposedly had drowned in the lake back in the nineteenth century.  Also, she very much continues her descent into madness.  Lovelock is getting annoyed at the slow pace, but Starkwell thinks it’s totally rad.  As annoyed as Lovelock may be, he is still nervous and frightened through much of the film.

[...]

[Emily/Abigail comes out of the water and tries to kill Jessica.]

Lovelock: I take it back, movie, you can go back to being slow… because now I’m scared!

Starkwell: Can I just also add that the soundtrack is absolutely perfect?

[...]

Every time Jessica heard a voice whisper “I’m here” I think I heard Lovelock let out a little gasp and/or whimper.  I say again, I think the movie broke Lovelock.  Jessica heads into town and sees all the old dudes and their creepy wounds.  While this is happening, I’m pretty sure that the Undead Abigail is sucking Woody’s blood.  Jessica runs away and falls asleep in the forest, trying to follow Blondie McNightgown and wakes up when she hears Duncan calling for her.

[...]

[Jessica and Duncan lay down to go to bed… DUNCAN HAS A WOUND, ABIGAIL STABS JESSICA, AND A BUNCH OF OLD DUDES TRY TO FEAST ON HER.]

Lovelock: Well, I am glad that Duncan done got deaded, but I have to say, I was hoping Jessica would have a happy ending...

[...]

Woody is dead, and Jessica tries to run away.  Eventually she ends up in a boat and ends up killing Duncan.  It looks like Abigail and her creepy island full of zombies will live on and continue to torment people that come into said island.  Probably forever.  I know Lovelock will never be the same.