The Swamp of the Ravens.

Actually a Spanish film, this film’s actual title is “El pantano de los cuervos”, which according to Lovelock translates to “The Pants of the Eggs”.  I think he’s wrong.  Hopefully the internet is also wrong about how bad and boring this is about to be for Starkwell and Lovelock, as they enter the Egg Pants.  The film starts and the print is ABSOLUTELY atrocious.  It looks like the film was bathed in mud and left in the sun.

[...]

Lovelock: It almost looks like the colors are messed up, like it’s supposed to be in 3D…

Starkwell: I think that’s just the print.

Lovelock: I think those glasses might help.

Starkwell: I think only a blindfold would help.

Lovelock: And earplugs.

Starkwell: And a power failure.

Lovelock: And a time machine.

Starkwell: To get our time back?

Lovelock: To prevent the making of the film.

Starkwell: And... scene.

[...]

So there is some rogue scientist doing research on cadavers, and interspersed with the chronological events we get scenes from some kind of deposition where he is getting in trouble for trying to do his research.   As Lovelock and Starkwell sat and watched the film, it became clear that the rogue doctor is a complete asshole, and a bit of a rapist.

[...]

[Doctor Guy lies to a sick man, kills him, chops him up and then dumps his body in the swamp.]

Starkwell: What the?

Lovelock: It’s all very scientific, you wouldn’t understand.

Starkwell: That dead guy was breathing. 

Lovelock: Solid acting.

Starkwell: Is that a fetus in a jar?

Lovelock: It’s all very scientific, you wouldn’t understand.

Starkwell: So I guess that is the swamp of the ravens?

Lovelock: It’s all very scientific, you wouldn’t understand.

[...]

Doctor Guy’s girlfriend wants to leave him, so she leaves a mannequin at her apartment in her place, with a tape recorder and a recorded message.  It took him a couple of minutes to realize that it wasn’t a real woman and that he was in fact talking to a mannequin.  “Can’t be a very good doctor…” remarked Starkwell... and then Lovelock high-fived him and announced "BURN"..

[...]

[Doctor tracks down his girl, kidnaps her, straps her down to his operating table, and proceeds to lick on her nipples.]

Starkwell: Obviously.

Lovelock: That’s why I hate doctors.

Starkwell: Yeah that’s why.

Lovelock: Well, that and the condescending attitude.

Starkwell: So... arrogance and forced nipple licking?  Those are your main reasons?

Lovelock: You mean, you like arrogance and forced nipple licking?  Pervert.

Starkwell: But...

Lovelock: Yeah you would like something with the butt too, pervert.

[...]

[Bodies in the swamp start coming back to life.]

Starkwell: Is it just me, or is the Doctor not shocked AT ALL?

Lovelock: It’s all very scientific, you wouldn’t understand.

[Then there was an autopsy scene that I think may have been filmed using an actual dead body and Lovelock vomited.]

[...]

Frustrated at the lack of undead content, the troops are getting restless.  And there is only an hour left…

[...]

[Doctor screws dead girl.]

Starkwell: Do they have to show it for this long?

Lovelock: It's all very scientific, you wouldn’t understand.

Starkwell: Oh FUCK THIS.

[Exit Starkwell.]

[...]

It turns out that Doctor’s helper servant dude is actually a re-animated corpse.  Then, with LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES LEFT the cops close in on him, he burns down his swamp house, brings the dead girl back to life, immediately kills her and dumps her body in the swamp, is stared at by the swamp zombies, who then ultimately just dunk their heads back into the swamp.  Then it cuts to him somewhere else in the world teaching a class at a school and continuing to try and conduct his experiments.  But then the cops (from the other side of the world (?) ) catch him and… arrest him?  THE END IMMEDIATLEY.  The zombies never did anything except stand in the swamp up to their necks and look creepy.  FUCKING WEAK.

Plan 9 From Outer Space.

People can say all that they want that this is the WORST film ever made.  But if that really were the case, it would have simply been forgotten long ago, like so many films that are far and wide much worse than this delightfully bad stroke of genius.  Starkwell and Lovelock have been itching to see this one, and I figured it was as good a time as any to introduce them to Ed Wood and his piece de resistance.  After navigating the INSANELY shitty and confusing DVD menu, I eventually think I get the movie started, but then realize that it’s a preview… for the movie I am about to watch.

[...]

[CRISWELL PREDICTS… a news program?]

Starkwell: So Ed Wood invented found footage films?

Lovelock: I don’t know but this credit sequence is totally fucking LIGHTNING.

[...]

Too much has been written about this film and the infamous director for me to dive too deep into the details, but suffice to say, as the story begins to unfold, they are pleasantly confused.

[...]

[People gather at a funeral, grave diggers start digging the grave.]

Lovelock: Lugosi got old.  That makes me sad.  I wish he could have lived forever.

Starkwell: Wait, that voice is a narrator?  I thought it was someone reading the eulogy…

[...]

I can’t explain how much the ‘cockpit of an airplane’ set made them laugh.  And then the flying saucer shot took it over the top and Lovelock shot milk out of his nose.

[...]

[Vampira comes out all zombie-like and does jazz fingers.]

Lovelock: Who was that screaming?

Starkwell: In the movie?  Not sure.  In this room?  Me.

Lovelock: Scared?

Starkwell: Something like that.

[...]

At least Ed Wood understood that without a narrator explaining EVERYTHING, no one could possibly ever understand what in the Hell is going on.  But Vampira is Lugosi’s undead wife, and Lugosi just died.  I don’t know why she killed the grave diggers, but I assume they were the ones who screamed just before.

[...]

[UFO flies by and knocks everyone over.]

Lovelock: “Places everyone, places!!!  One… two… three… JUMP AWKWARDLY DOWN INTO THE GRASS!”

Starkwell: Why didn’t Tor Johnson fall over?

Lovelock: He’s too fat?

[Then Zombie Lugosi and Vampira jazz finger and cape him to death and Lovelock did a jumpkick.]

[...]

Then flying saucers are seen flying over Hollywood, and they show it for five or so minutes.  They repeat “sauces seen over [blank]” about a hundred times, and they keep showing people reading the same headline.  In case it wasn’t clear enough, the narrator is REALLY pounding it into our heads that SAUCERS WERE SEEN OVER BLABLABLA.

[...]

Lovelock: I’m not sure, did anyone else notice the saucers?

[Repetitive stock footage of army things firing stuff.]

Starkwell: I think they did, and it’s certainly taken them a long time to try and hit them.

[Then the saucers get away.]

Lovelock: Good job STOCK FOOTAGE soldiers…

[...]

Sometime after this, we get to see the aliens!  They’re just humans in shiny clothes.  Then one of the alien actors reads from a script that he holds in his hand.

[...]

Lovelock: Why would the head alien have the symbol of an axe on his shirt?

Starkwell: I don’t know, but the mother ship looks like a huge breast.

Lovelock: Well, it IS the mother ship…

[...]

There’s a pilot guy (and his wife) that the story seems to be focused on, and Lugosi shows up to kill her while he is away flying after the saucers.  Actually, I don’t think it’s actually Lugosi, I think it’s a guy covering his face with a cape trying to look like Lugosi, since Lugosi died a couple of years before this film was made, BUT, it’s the Lugosi CHARACTER that is in fact chasing her into the cemetery.

[...]

[Tor Johnson RISES from the grave.]

Lovelock: Worst movie ever MY ASS, did you see that fucking rise from the grave scene?  SWEET SASSY MOLASSEY!

Starkwell: Yeah but…

[Lovelock wasn’t listening, he was too busy playing air guitar.]

[...]

Then the girl is rescued from the side of the road by a cowboy in a Cadillac with the BIGGEST ASS I have ever seen.  Lovelock actually paused it to marvel at just how tight his jeans were.

[...]

Starkwell: I love how obvious it is that Vampira, Tor Johnson and Lugosi were clearly never filmed at the same time, since all the shots of them are of them alone, and seem randomly placed and totally fucking schizophrenic.

[Cut to a shot of Vampira and Tor zombie walking side by side.]

Lovelock: Ed Wood ONE, Starkwell ZERO.

Starkwell: Whatever dude.  That single shot of Lugosi was in the daytime, and now it’s night again IMMEDIATELY.

Lovelock:  Face it, you just suck dude.  You’re the worst and this movie is the best.

[...]

Starkwell: Someone should tell that Detective not to use his loaded pistol like a pointing stick.

[...]

Meanwhile in the Pentagon, stuff happens, and Lovelock and Starkwell continue laughing at this movie.

[...]

[Zombie Tor Johnson turns on the aliens, starts to choke one of them.]

Lovelock: Wait… how was he on the spaceship?

Starkwell: How did throwing the gun on the floor stop him in his tracks?

[So many questions, so few answers.]

Lovelock: The head alien guy is ALWAYS clearly reading off of something.

[...]

I lost track of the plot, or the Plan 9, if you will.  But when Lugosi comes after the whole gang of characters that appear to be having a potluck dinner, laughter was had by all, especially when the Detective stood up, and somehow his chair FLEW, and I mean FLEW, off the set.  It was magical.

[...]

[Detective unloads his gun on Lugosi.]

Lovelock: Why is everyone else just standing there?  Isn’t that guy in army?

[Some kind of electro signal drops Lugosi like a fly and he turns into a pile of bones.]

Starkwell: Um.

[...]

We still are pretty unclear on the Plan.  What is it?  Why is it the ninth?

[...]

[Tor kills a guy by… swinging his arms near them?]

Lovelock: Did the wind of his swing just blow up his head or?

Starkwell: Maybe he just died of a heart attack at the exact time that Tor swung his arms.

Lovelock: Sounds far-fetched.

Starkwell: Seriously?

[...]

Then they find a flying saucer that, when on the ground appears to be rectangular, and basically a house.

[...]

Lovelock: Man, those aliens ROCK that velvet.

[...]

[Alien says “all of you on Earth are idiots”.]

Lovelock: Awesome.  Dude is AWESOME.

[The alien explains that humans are super self destructive and that soon they will develop SOLAR RAY BOMBS that will explode the Universe.]

Lovelock: Stupid men and their stupid minds, STUPID STUPID STUPID.

[...]

Then it gets really crazy, where the aliens refer to God.   Honestly, I feel like maybe the aliens are good guys at this point.  Screw the Earthlings.  After some explosions and some flaming flying saucers, we cut back to the narrator, who we haven’t heard from in a while, and he says that all of this was true OR WAS IT?  What a wild ride.

The Signal.

A film apparently consisting of three segments, each one from a different director, all telling the same story, just from a different perspective.  Sounds like a cool idea, but considering it looks low budget as all Hell, we’ll see what the can pull off.  The cover looks all high budgeted but that is something (“Hey, the cover looks cool…”) that has burned us many times before.  One of the directors eventually went on to be a part of “VHS”, and the rest all seem to have been involved with other anthology films.  Is the next generation REALLY so A.D.D. that they need all these anthology films?

[...]

[Film opens with a slasher killing people, then the picture gets all fuzzy and looks all scrambled for a solid chunk of time.]

Lovelock: DUDE! You broke Netflix!

Starkwell: What?  Me?

Lovelock: NO not you!  Movie! You broke it, movie.

[Cuts to a TV in a guy’s bedroom showing the scrambled image.]

Lovelock: False alarm!  Still works.  Now if we could just make fast forwarding go smoother…

[Close up on a dude’s ass.]

Lovelock: SCRAMBLE! SCRAMBLE!

[...]

We are introduced to a guy (butt guy, named Ben) and his girl (a married woman, named Maya).  Well the film is trying really hard to develop characters.  You gotta hand it to them, but everyone (Starkwell and Lovelock) are starting to get the impression that, given the film’s slightly longer than usual runtime, that there will be a fair amount of pacing issues.

[...]

[Guy gives Girl a mix CD.]

Starkwell: Who still uses a discman?

Lovelock: And with the headphones that CAME with the discman?

[...]

After leaving the dude and listening to his CD MIX on the way to her car, Maya is confronted by two crazy people with blood all over their clothes.  Also, her cell phone isn’t working right.  The signal seems all crazy and distorted.  She gets home to her husband, Lewis, and his two friends.  It’s pretty clear in about five seconds why she would want to leave this angry piece of shit.

[...]

[Lewis beats one of his friends to death.]

Lovelock: The question isn’t why she would leave him, it’s why she hasn’t left him yet.

Starkwell: To be fair, I’m pretty sure he has gone all homicidal and it’s out of his control.

Lovelock: That’s what I’m saying.

Starkwell: No, but, I mean something is making him that way.

Lovelock: Maybe he was born with it.

Starkwell: Well since everyone else in the building is going around hacking people up, it’s safe to say that something contagious is in the air.

Lovelock: Maybe it’s Mabelline.

[...]

[Girl waits until the coast is clear, puts her discman on and walks out.]

Lovelock: You can’t even put it in your pocket!  Someone get her an iPod, or at least a dollar store mp3 player…

[...]

Anyways, Maya escapes her building and is determined to get to TERMINAL 13 where she is hoping to meet the dude she is banging, not her husband, obviously.  The dude she is banging, Ben, went to find her, and it appears that now, crazy Lewis has captured Ben as he arrives at Maya's building, to NOT find Maya.  Begin… segment two?

[...]

[Segment two is more comedic.]

Starkwell: The problem is, each segment has the same characters and world, so when the vibe shifts completely, it feels a little schizo.

Lovelock: Maybe that’s the point, IDIOT.

[Then Starkwell felt great shame, as Lovelock made a fair observation.]

[...]

[Lewis seems to be crazy with jealous rage, but not sure if he has THE crazy.]

Starkwell: If he is not crazy, why did he beat his friend to death?

Lovelock: Maybe he WAS born with it.

[...]

Anyways, this whole segment is mostly at some house where a husband and wife were expecting party guests.  Then the comedy stuff goes away and it gets all intense again.  I guess there are different levels of the crazy being manifested herein.  In all cases though, it results in people murdering the Hell out of other people.  Onto segment three…

[...]

[Ben is still alive and he shows up and beats the shit out of Lewis.]

Starkwell: Does he have the crazy or… ?

Lovelock: Nah.  He’s just passionate about killing that dude.

[...]

Ben finds out that Maya was heading for Terminal 13 so he and Clark (one of the party guests) heads off to go find her.  It’s pretty obvious that both Ben and Clark are infected, but they keep each other in check pretty well.

[...]

[Ben finds Maya, but guess what, Lewis is alive!]

Lovelock: That’s why I always finish the job.

Starkwell: Yeah, that’s why.  Wait what?

[...]

The end gets all twisty and I think it didn’t do much for Lovelock and Starkwell other than confuse them.  But I’m pretty sure Ben saved the day and now he is reunited with Maya.  Or not?  Seriously, movie, make up your fucking mind.

[...]

Lovelock: Am I supposed to decide what happens next?  What the fuck?  I watch movies to avoid making decisions.  That blows.

[...]

Regardless of the filmmakers refusal to make a choice, they moderately enjoyed this one.

Ghost Breakers.

I can honestly say that I never in a million years expected to be showing a Bob Hope movie to Lovelock and Starkwell.  But, here we are.  Starkwell seems fairly excited.  Lovelock isn’t really sure how to feel and just asked me “if there might at least be some tits in this one”.  That seems like an odd question even from him.  He must be in a bad mood, unfortunate for “The Ghost Breakers”, potentially fortunate for me.

[...]

[Mary is about to venture off to Cuba and the BLACK ISLAND to see some castle that she inherited.]

Lovelock: Why can’t I ever inherit a castle on a tropical island?  What the fuck..

Starkwell: You’d go even with all of the HAUNTED HOUSE stories?

Lovelock: Yeah man, I’m a glass half full kind of a guy, I figure I’d get at least one or two Caspers for every undead flesh-eating demon.

[...]

There’s a big storm outside, I guess to make things creepier.  We see Bob Hope for the first time, and his walking cliché racial stereotyped African American Butler named Alex.  Then the lights go out, and Bob Hope can’t see his butler.  He tells him “you look like a blackout in a blackout.  If this keeps going I’m going to have to paint you white.”  Yes.  That happened.

[...]

[Hope accidentally shoots somebody and then hides in Mary’s room (oh yeah, he ended up in her building), hides from the police in her trunk and ends up on a boat to Cuba.]

Lovelock: Well that’s one way to get to Cuba.

[Somehow Butler Alex ends up on the boat too…]

Starkwell: He didn’t need a ticket?

Lovelock: I don’t think they had invented tickets yet.

[...]

They finally arrive in Cuba, and Hope asks one of the locals about a “negro woman and her zombie son” and then makes a joke at the expense of democrats.  The film is showing its age pretty hard.  Starkwell is appalled, whereas Lovelock is slightly psyched at the mention of voodoo zombies.

[...]

[Bob Hope and Alex head to the castle on Black Island without Mary.]

Lovelock: I think that’s the same castle as in “White Zombie”.

Starkwell: Wait, why are they there exactly?

Lovelock: To make the place safe for Mary, probably in an attempt to hump her.

Starkwell: Fair enough.

[...]

Alex and Hope see a ghost, a well as catch a glimpse of The Zombie.  Then Mary arrives at the island in a swim suit and one of those old style bathing caps.  Neither Lovelock nor Starkwell really know where this is going, but they are still kind of enjoying the ride.  It’s a step above most of the thrown together voodoo comedies from the era.  The actor playing the zombie does a great job at looking terrifying, adding quite a bit of horror to this otherwise fluffy comedic picture.

[...]

[Bob Hope says “something smells” and Alex says “it ain’t fried chicken”.]

Starkwell: Seriously?

[...]

Then there’s this whole insane story where Mary solves a riddle on the wall by playing her organ and they find a secret room, and then Alex saves them from being shot, and then I think Hope and Mary are planning to get married and it immediately ends.  It’s pretty clear that The Zombie was only in there so they could say there was a zombie in there which is a real bummer.  It would be a forgivable offense if the movie were really good… or at least made sense.

Spooks Run Wild.

This was one in a series of films featuring the East Side Kids.  They seem to be something like the Hardy Boys meets the Three Stooges meets a bunch of tough guy greasers from the ghetto meets the Little Rascals (?) .  This one ALSO features Bela Lugosi in his usual role of ‘creepy dude who lives in a mansion and reanimates dead people’.

[...]

[We meet the gang as they go around town and gawk at the local soda shop girl.]

Lovelock: Is his name Muggsy?

Starkwell: Obviously.

[The radio tells them that there is a monster killer on the loose.]

Starkwell: That’s not really clear if it’s a person who kills monster or a killer who happens to be a monster.

Lovelock: Or just someone who kills like A LOT.  Like a monster amount.

[...]

The story seems confused.  I don’t know who all of these characters are.  I’m not even sure what the deal is with the East Side Kids, why they’re in that town and especially, why they’re at a hospital of some kind.  So far the entire dialogue is made up of terrible one liners… Oh wait they’re going to summer camp.

[...]

Lovelock: Best camp movie since “Ernest Goes to Camp”.

Starkwell: Wait… what?  Aren’t they a little old for summer camp?

Lovelock: Aren’t they a little old to be called ‘kids’?

[I guess maybe you need to have seen the other East Side Kids movies to get into it and understand...]

[...]

We see Lugosi for the first time and he seems to have some kind of dwarf assistant and a rad cape, obviously.  We are also introduced to Von Grosch, who is apparently hunting Lugosi and his dwarf.

[...]

[The gang plays in a graveyard and PeeWee gets shot by the grave digger.]

Lovelock:  What the?  Shoot first ask questions later?

Starkwell: That dude straight up shot at a group of kids with a rifle... they were just walking!

Lovelock: They don’t even seem shocked, at all.  Like NOT AT ALL.

Starkwell: His fucking name is PeeWee.

[...]

There are some strange cuts here and there.  The transfer looks and sounds terrible, which is understandable and forgivable, given that this is seventy years old.  So the gang takes PeeWee to Lugosi’s new mansion and Lugosi promises to fix him up.

[...]

[The gang thinks PeeWee is dead.]

Lovelock: I hope he is dead.

Starkwell: Harsh.  Like in real life?  He probably is... jerk.

Lovelock: Hey man, I’m just looking for something to happen.

[PeeWee sits up and walks away without saying a word.]

Lovelock: SweeeeeEEEEeeet.

[The gang thinks PeeWee is a zombie.]

[...]

They knock Lugosi over and wrap his dwarf up in a blanket like a little burrito.  I think Starkwell said something like “well that’s no way to treat your host”.  Then, rather than leaving they explore around like an idiotic Scooby-Doo gang gone (more) stupid.

[...]

[LUGOSI EYES.]

Lovelock: I guess you can’t really have Lugosi and not do a CREEPY EYES shot.

[...]

[The ‘kids’ jump on each other’s shoulders and disguise as a super grim reaper thing and scare Lugosi.]

Lovelock: Skeletor?

Starkwell: Is it just me or did Lugosi phone this one in?

Lovelock: I can’t tell if he’s acting scared or laughing or both.

Starkwell: He's probably laughing at us.  For watching this.

[...]

The cops show up just in time to catch the REAL monster killer, not Lugosi, but the Von Grosch guy from earlier.  PeeWee is fine, he was apparently jut sleepwalking, and Lugosi isn’t a monster or vampire or zombie master after all… he’s a magician, which might be even scarier.  After the cops catch Monster Killer, Lugosi performs a magic trick for everyone… for some reason the girl from the soda shop is there which makes no sense.  Then it ends WAY abruptly after two of the East Side Kids almost kiss each other after beng fooled by Magic Lugosi.   Yeah.

Shock Waves.

I can't really be sure if you could say that this is the original Nazi Zombie film, especially not if you count something like "They Froze Hitler's Brain".  And certainly Zombie Soldiers had previously been tackled.  But "Shock Waves" did that with Peter Cushing, so COME ON that must get it some extra brownie points.   Anyways, this was essentially cloned two more times with "Oasis" and "Lake", so let's see what all the fuss was about.

[...]

[Narrator explains that the Nazis did experiments on corpses, to create SUPER SOLDIERS, and that this squad of invincible soldiers was NEVER CAUGHT.]

Starkwell: I just got goose bumps, did you get goose bumps?

Lovelock: Is that the same things as shitting in your pants?  Because if so, I just had explosive goose bumps.

[...]

After the opening credits roll, it cuts to a woman floating out at sea on a rowboat, and being rescued by a fishing boat.  She narrates the story, and begins explaining, as they begin showing just how she got there.  In the flashback, she's on a boat with Captain John Carradine and some dude with a crazy mustache.  I think there are lots of other people too.

[...]

[There is a married couple, and an old crotchety cook, and dude who seems to like making castles with cards.]

Lovelock: If that cook saves the day, then this it TOTALLY where "Under Siege" got all of its ideas.

Starkwell: I don't see that happening.

Lovelock: Why are they on this boat?

Starkwell: I don't think it is to find undead Nazi super soldiers…

Lovelock: But that is EXACTLY what they're going to do.

[...]

Then they run into a huge ghost ship that appeared out of nowhere, and then disappeared seemingly into thin air.  In the morning, they row to a nearby island.  Carradine seems to have disappeared.  Then they find him, dead. They walk the island and find an old abandoned hotel resort of some kind.  There they meet Peter Cushing.  I can't tell yet if he is a good guy or a bad guy.

[...]

[Zombie walks around on the ocean floor and then pops out of the ocean.]

Starkwell: So… he was just hanging around the coral reef?

Lovelock: Probably looking at the fishies.

Starkwell: Apparently looking at the camera too.

Lovelock: Excellent.

[...]

[Nazi Zombies rise up out of the water and walk onto shore.  The cook goes out to fish up some food and one of the zombies drowns him.]

Lovelock: There we go.  Off to a good start.

[The rest of the group find his body and see two of the zombies slowly walk away.]

Starkwell: Wouldn't they be hiding or something?

Lovelock: They're not ninjas, guy.

[...]

Peter Cushing seems to be a good guy, NOW, in the sense that he tries to warn them and tells them they need to leave.  But he does explain that he is the one that created the super soldiers during the war and has tried to keep them on this secluded island, hidden way… but says that they are now ON THE LOOSE and out to kill.  Then he runs into the forest and one of the zombies drowns him.

[...]

Lovelock:  SO… MANY… underwater shots.

[...]

There was a scene where nerdy guy named Norman was surprised and drowned without making a peep.  Lovelock shouted out "quietest death ever" and then both he and Starkwell laughed for five minutes re-watching the scene several times.

[...]

[Main character Rose takes off one of the zombie's goggles and he dies immediately, because of the sun… I think.]

Lovelock: Some super soldiers… they can't take their goggles off?

Starkwell: Was this thing filmed in a library?  People are being attacked and dying and zombies are dying and LITERALLY no sounds are being made.

Lovelock: Those goggles must be seriously awesome.

Starkwell: They don't have guns, and move real slow.  Just run up to them and take their goggles off.  How hard is that?

Lovelock: You'd think if the scientist can create a super soldier whose only weakness is LIGHT, he'd figure out a way to make those goggles more permanent.  Those elastics are usually flimsy.

[...]

[The Nazis continue to hunt/drown the survivors.]

Lovelock: So the only way they know how to kill people is drowning them?

Starkwell: Doesn't seem like a very threatening force.  Pretty useless in a gunfight… How could they have been a death squad in World War 2?

Lovelock: Maybe they used to carry around buckets of water.

[They drown one guy in a pool, the other girl in a fishtank.]

Lovelock: Lucky for them there was a fish tank in that room… otherwise where would they have drown her?

Starkwell: Why would he have been walking in the pool?

Lovelock: "The zombies seems to hide in the water… so I think I'll go for a swim."  These people are all getting what they deserve.

[...]

Then Rose sails off in a rowboat.  The end.  Lovelock made some jokes all throughout about this being where "Lost" got all of its ideas, but Starkwell and EVERYONE ELSE agrees that it makes no sense to say that.  Lovelock likes to think everyone is ripping everyone off.