Ghost Breakers.

I can honestly say that I never in a million years expected to be showing a Bob Hope movie to Lovelock and Starkwell.  But, here we are.  Starkwell seems fairly excited.  Lovelock isn’t really sure how to feel and just asked me “if there might at least be some tits in this one”.  That seems like an odd question even from him.  He must be in a bad mood, unfortunate for “The Ghost Breakers”, potentially fortunate for me.

[...]

[Mary is about to venture off to Cuba and the BLACK ISLAND to see some castle that she inherited.]

Lovelock: Why can’t I ever inherit a castle on a tropical island?  What the fuck..

Starkwell: You’d go even with all of the HAUNTED HOUSE stories?

Lovelock: Yeah man, I’m a glass half full kind of a guy, I figure I’d get at least one or two Caspers for every undead flesh-eating demon.

[...]

There’s a big storm outside, I guess to make things creepier.  We see Bob Hope for the first time, and his walking cliché racial stereotyped African American Butler named Alex.  Then the lights go out, and Bob Hope can’t see his butler.  He tells him “you look like a blackout in a blackout.  If this keeps going I’m going to have to paint you white.”  Yes.  That happened.

[...]

[Hope accidentally shoots somebody and then hides in Mary’s room (oh yeah, he ended up in her building), hides from the police in her trunk and ends up on a boat to Cuba.]

Lovelock: Well that’s one way to get to Cuba.

[Somehow Butler Alex ends up on the boat too…]

Starkwell: He didn’t need a ticket?

Lovelock: I don’t think they had invented tickets yet.

[...]

They finally arrive in Cuba, and Hope asks one of the locals about a “negro woman and her zombie son” and then makes a joke at the expense of democrats.  The film is showing its age pretty hard.  Starkwell is appalled, whereas Lovelock is slightly psyched at the mention of voodoo zombies.

[...]

[Bob Hope and Alex head to the castle on Black Island without Mary.]

Lovelock: I think that’s the same castle as in “White Zombie”.

Starkwell: Wait, why are they there exactly?

Lovelock: To make the place safe for Mary, probably in an attempt to hump her.

Starkwell: Fair enough.

[...]

Alex and Hope see a ghost, a well as catch a glimpse of The Zombie.  Then Mary arrives at the island in a swim suit and one of those old style bathing caps.  Neither Lovelock nor Starkwell really know where this is going, but they are still kind of enjoying the ride.  It’s a step above most of the thrown together voodoo comedies from the era.  The actor playing the zombie does a great job at looking terrifying, adding quite a bit of horror to this otherwise fluffy comedic picture.

[...]

[Bob Hope says “something smells” and Alex says “it ain’t fried chicken”.]

Starkwell: Seriously?

[...]

Then there’s this whole insane story where Mary solves a riddle on the wall by playing her organ and they find a secret room, and then Alex saves them from being shot, and then I think Hope and Mary are planning to get married and it immediately ends.  It’s pretty clear that The Zombie was only in there so they could say there was a zombie in there which is a real bummer.  It would be a forgivable offense if the movie were really good… or at least made sense.